What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 23.06.2025 09:50
I will be 64.
Im still living with it.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Who then, do I blame.?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Does anybody believe in cultural appropriation?
Comes on , in middle age.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I never cut or harmed myself..
This Week In Space podcast: Episode 163 — The Trials of Starship - Space
I said to her
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She wouldn,t have been !
Was to survive, this bastard.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Mild US Inflation Is Backdrop for Fed’s Powell on the Hill - Bloomberg.com
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Do the British people realize how much American people absolutely despise them?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
SpaceX launches Sirius XM radio satellite to orbit, lands rocket on ship at sea (photos) - Space
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I could never make a relationship work though!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
So, i spoilt her more .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
The #1 Dessert to Help Lower Dementia Risk, According to Dietitians - EatingWell
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
When she asked me how she looked .
How far back into your childhood can your remember and what is your favorite memory of that time?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I think the readers, may guess!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I write beautiful poetry .
All the time i was locked up.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
My family never makes their pension either.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was seconnd youngest,
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Put me off passion for life!!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
So whats the point in blame.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
One cannot live in the past .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Why did i forgive my father ?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
What did i know ?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But it wasn’t much.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She loved him until the end.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I was very sick at this time too.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Especially a lifetime of it.
I was 9 years of age.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
As i do to all so called friends.?
And i lived it daily.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But, we were locked up after school.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I was scared of men, in general
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She was in good health!
I waited trembling.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I don,t even have a pension.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
It was going to be , some day.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Ive learnt so much.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She found it foreign!.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But ive been too sick for many years..
He knew the spot.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
We were not on the streets..
My life is so biszare .
I couldn’t, believe it.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She married twice! .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Would this be the day?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
The only rule us 5 kids had .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
We all went to grammer schools
I have no regrets .
This is soul school!.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.